Tag Archives: I-message

CLASS MANAGEMENT and CONTROL

Logical order of precedures and control are needed at schools, too.

The teacher is the boss in a class. The students take as much power as they are given! If you do not take the command in class, the students will!

This article is an introduction to this topic and I will start by introducing

  1. 10 basic principles on class management and control for new teachers and those who wish to reconsider their ways in class
  2. some ideas to bear in mind when the teacher is starting with a new group and planning the very first lesson with them

Because of its large scope I am going to deal with ‘Class management and Control’ in 7 additional articles under the following headings. There will be some repetition of the key ideas to tie the contents of the articles together and make it a more coherent unity.

Class management and controlQualities of good and bad teachers
Class control, how to succeed and fail
How to avoid being too tolerant or too strict
Gordon’s principles, a wise teacher
Gordon’s method, a sample dialogue
I- and YOU-messages
Active listening, I-messages and win-win solutions

Many teachers are afraid of applying CLT principles and student-centred methods because they are afraid of losing control in class.

I sympathize with this feeling since I have experienced it too. My advice is to try out the changes gradually and always tell the students what you are trying to do and why. Besides you can always go back to your old systems. I never did, neither did my colleagues.

10 principles for class management and control, a summary on teacher measures

The teacher

  1. is the Queen or the King of the class; group control requires authority
  2. takes the power for him-/herself from the very beginning; otherwise the students will take the power in the class
  3. has clear rules for behaviour, explains the rationale behind them and makes sure the rules are followed
  4. is on the students’ side, helping them in all situations
  5. treats everybody the same way, no matter how good they are as students; the measure of students is not in the grades
  6. is fair in making decisions and when marking papers
  7. makes sure nobody is teased or bullied at school and the working environment is peaceful and safe
  8. gives interesting captivating lessons with a good sense of humour
  9. creates an atmosphere of mutual respect and patience
  10. is interested in students as individuals and helps them to find new ways of learning

Many teachers are facing an authority problem with their pupils or students thinking that they are not supposed to give commands to their students. This is a misconception and problems follow. The truth is that the students take as much power as they are given. It is the teacher or students who run the show in the class and every responsible teacher has to realize that they are the Queens or Kings in the class. It is scary for some teachers at first but the other option is a teacher with burn-out and lowered self-esteem. If the teacher is scared of the students, they sense it and take advantage of it.

This does not mean strict military commanding but the students have to respect the work the teacher has put on the lesson in advance at home. Everything we do in class has to have a purpose, a goal and no time should be waisted on unnecessary hassle. It is perfectly ok to be jealous of time and use it wisely.

The students are dying to know who you are, what your values and principles are but still, be careful not to tell too much. Likewise you need to know about the students’ lives, hobbies and gradually about their worries. This is vital for a healthy teacher-student relationship which is the key to class management based on  MUTUAL RESPECT.

Still, don’t try to be your students’ buddy. Some inexperienced teachers may think that being nice is the only thing needed. Wrong. It may easily lead to a situation where some students take advantage of that cozy atmosphere. You are the boss and things run your way. I fell in that trap with one class in the 1980s and learnt my lesson.

Every time we are dealing with a class, any size of class, the teacher has to organize the learning process logically and individual wishes can be taken into account. All this requires a lot of pre-planning and becomes easier only with a lot of experience. There is no room for chaos: the teacher gives instructions, all the students begin with the same task or choose one of the options, work alone, in pairs or groups and the teacher observes that the work gets done. As simple as that.

The teacher is supposed to observe the class all the time helping individuals, pairs or groups when needed. Learn more about differentiation. Learn more about Gordon’s method. In my other articles.

The importance of the first lesson

First impressions count. You are measured within the first five minutes.

You are walking along the school corridor full of noisy students. You are having your first lesson ever with a group of 30 students. “How am I going to cope with the situations”, you think. If you have not thought it out already, you have made your first serious mistake. Always go to lessons fully prepared.

  1. Think carefully in advance what you are going to say to the students and do with them. Practise by saying all the things aloud at home.
  2. Check the classroom and the equipment beforehand and learn how to use them. Find a way to make the classroom a bit cozier.
  3. Greet them at the door personally and establish proper warm eye-contact. A firm handshake * will confirm your silent message: “Welcome to my class, I am the boss.” (* if it is customery in your culture)
  4. Age groups 5 -15: at the beginning of a lesson make them stand and be quiet before they sit down. It means the lesson is about to start, peacefully.
  5. Explain about yourself, your life and move on to your class rules, explain why you have them. As few rules as possible but as many as you feel are needed.
  6. Ask each student to tell you their names and hobbies and write them down. Pulling the hobby-string to establish a more personal relationship with the students is one of my favourite things at school: Hi Janet. How’s your street dancing? Performing for us soon? / Hi, Mark. Scored any goals lately? / Good morning, Susan. I have a new song for us. Could you help me with it today? / Jim, can you come and help me with this programme. Your math teacher said you are the wizard in the class. The message is clear: The teacher cares about ME, not only about my skills in English.
  7. Don’t ask them anything too personal or intimate since they probably are shy to tell about their family and background. Privacy issues can be very delicate.
  8. Finally, explain about your philosophy and methods of teaching English (or whatever you subject is) and why you are using them. Encourage the students to give you feedback at the end of each course.
Be as tall as New York skyscrapers in your class. Proud and persistent about the things you do in your class.

Gordon’s method, a sample dialogue

So far we have dealt with the following topics on class management and control:

  1. 10 basic principles in class control
  2. The importance of planning the first lesson well
  3. What are the qualities of a good teacher?
  4. What are the qualities of a bad teacher?
  5. Class control, how to succeed and fail in it
  6. Gordon’s method, a wise teacher, the student-teacher relationships

In this article I will comment on Point 6, a fictional situation as an introduction to Gordon’s method in dealing with problematic situations.

You may be the only adult who cares about a student who is causing problems at school. What a responsibility!

The work of a teacher is not an easy one. There are lots of variables that affect the situations we are facing daily. That is why we need to have clear principles that we follow in our work and our students have to know them and agree to comply with them.

We have to be fair, reliable and consistent in what we do, and treat every student equally. Dealing with people is not an easy job. Still we have to develop a psychological eye and emotional intelligence: what works with student A does not necessarily work with student B.

When a problematic situation emerges the easiest thing to do is to give up, contact a special teacher or the head of the school or to punish the student. None of these things works properly since the cause of bad behaviour remains hidden. I do not believe in punishments but what is there left? … Meeting eye to eye relying on mutual respect!

Bad behaviour is usually just a reflection of some bad things in the life of the student: parents’ drinking problems, home violence and bullying, financial difficulties, unemployment, finding acceptance from other youngsters … So we need to see through the bad behaviour and get to the bottom of the issue.

My best advice to solve these problematic situations is to have a private conversation with the student. The conversation below is a fictional one but see if you can spot my tactics based on Gordon’s principles.

Read this dialogue first and then the one below with my comments.

Me: You know why we are sitting here, don’t you?
St: Yes, but Jimmy hit me first in the corridor and threw my cap on the floor. He’s an idiot and bullies me every day.
Me: So, you find it hard to control your emotions since you can’t bear the way he treats you. Right?
St: Hm, and I don’t want the others to laugh at me. I’m fed up with no-one doing anything about Jimmy. It’s him who should be sitting here, not me.
Me: Thanks for telling me. I will deal with him later but I will not mention your name, ok! But I think there is something else troubling your mind. You often seem very tired and you’re often late for lessons.
Is there anything I should know?
St: No, not really. I’m ok. I just have to take it as it comes.
Me: You know that this is between you and me. It’s confidential and I can see there is something going on. I don’t want your talents to be wasted.
St: Well, my dad lost his job four months ago and he started drinking and my mum quarrels with him every day. We kids try to stay out of it but it is getting rough and I’m scared of what may happen.
Me: So, you cannot really focus on school work because of the things going on at home. Is it ok if I ask the social curator to contact your mum to clarify your and the other kids’ point of view.
St: Yeah. I do not dare to talk about it to my parents. They might kick me out of the house.
Me: I’m glad you told me this. I understand your behaviour better now. I don’t think it was right but I know all these things in your mind it may be hard for you to control your reactions.
St: Yes, I know if this goes on I will never get the grades I was hoping for. I will never pass the A-levels and get to uni.
Me: I think so too. So, what do you suggest we should do?
St: If you promise to talk to the curator and try to deal with Jimmy, I will talk to my classmates how to stop Jimmy from bullying. It’s not just me. Once the teachers don’t see, he picks on someone. Anyone will do.
Me: Ok, thanks. I have a clear picture of the situation now. Can we meet again next Friday and see where we stand?
St: Sure. Thanks, I need to go. The math lesson is starting.
I have the ‘Gordon-based’ comments on this dialogue below. I learnt the principles in the late 1980s and never gave them up. Besides, they work not only with students but with the kids at home, the wife, whoever …
Paradise or desert? Hope or despair? What is in the mind of the student when the discussion is over?

And here’s the same dialogue with my comments!

Me: You know why we are sitting here, don’t you? (I am not blaming the student but imply something has gone wrong)
St: Yes, but Jimmy hit me first in the corridor and threw my cap on the floor. He’s an idiot and bullies me every day. (St gives his version of the incident and what caused it.)
Me: So, you find it hard to control your emotions since you can’t bear the way he treats you. Right? (I use ‘active listening’ in Gordens terms: I interpret the feelings of the boy and imply I undestand his views even if I may not approve of his behaviour)
St: Hm, and I don’t want the others to laugh at me. I’m fed up with no-one doing anything about Jimmy. It’s him who should be sitting here, not me. (The boy gives other reasons for his irritation and finds the situation unfair.)
Me: Thanks for telling me. I will deal with him later but I will not mention your name, ok! But I think there is something else troubling your mind. I feel sorry for you since you oftem seem very tired and you’re often late for lessons.
Is there anything I should know? (Thanking the boy implies that I am on the boy’s side and will act upon the problem. I send him ‘I-message’ expressing my feelings for him trying to make him open up about the real problem that has not even been talked about.)
St: No, not really. I’m ok. I just have to take it as it comes. (The boy does not trust me yet and denies there is anything else going on. Even if he stopped talking to me at this point, he knows someone = me is willing to help him.)
Me: You know that this is between you and me. It’s confidential and I can see there is something going on. I don’t want your talents to be wasted. (I try to make the boy rely on me and send another I-message implying I am worried and I like him and think he has good qualities.)
St: Well, my dad lost his job four months ago and he started drinking and my mum quarrels with him every day. We kids try to stay out of it but it is getting rough and I’m scared of what may happen. (The boy opens up about the TRUE REASON why he is behaving badly: his life at home is a mess.)
Me: So, you cannot really focus on school work because of the things going on at home. Is it ok if I ask the social curator to contact your mum to clarify your and the other kids’ point of view. (I use ‘active listening’ to check if I got it right suggest an adult solution to the problems at home because I don’t think the boy would come up with this idea.)
St: Yeah. I do not dare to talk about it to my parents. They might kick me out of the house. (The boy realizes I am on his side and tells me why he has kept the issue to himself. If I didn’t know the real reasons for his behaviour, I would treat him differently.)
Me: I’m glad you told me this. I understand your behaviour better now. I don’t think it was right what you did but I know all these things in your mind it may be hard for you to control your reactions. (I show the boy empathy with my I-messages even if I do not approve of his behaviour.)
St: Yes, I know if this goes on I will never get the grades I was hoping for. I will never pass the A-levels and get to uni. (Now the boy seems to trust me even more and tells me about another thing troubling his mind.)
Me: I think so too. So, what do you suggest we should do? (NOTE, I do not give him the solution to the ‘Jimmy’ problem. He has to come up with it himself. In Gordon’s terms: it is a ‘win-win’ situation, both are happy at the end of the discussion.
St: If you promise to talk to the curator and try to deal with Jimmy, I will talk to my classmates how to stop Jimmy from bullying. It’s not just me. Once the teachers don’t see, he picks on someone. Anyone will do. (The boy suggests a solution and gets the matter out of his chest.)
Me: Ok, thanks. I have a clear picture of the situation now. Can we meet again next Friday and see where we stand? (I approve of the solution and will act upon it accordingly. Then I agree on a date when we will check if the solution has worked.)
St: Sure. Thanks, I need to go. The math lesson is starting. (The boy expresses his gratitude and seems to want to study eagerly.)

If we desert a problematic student, there may be no-one else to help him/her. However, when the matter is solved, our reward is to see smile back on the student’s face. Patience is a virtue!

The next article will deal with the Gordon method of solving problematic situations in more detail.

  1. Active listening
  2. Sending I-messages
  3. Win-win solutions