So far we have dealt with the following topics on class management and control:

1. 10 basic principles in class control
2. The importance of planning the first lesson well
3. What are the qualities of a good teacher?
4. What are the qualities of a bad teacher?
5. Class control, how to succeed and fail in it
6. Gordon’s method, a wise teacher, the student-teacher relationships

In this article I will comment on Point 6, a fictional situation as an introduction to Gordon’s method in dealing with problematic situations.

You may be the only adult who cares about a student who is causing problems at school. What a responsibility!

The work of a teacher is not an easy one. There are lots of variables that affect the situations we are facing daily. That is why we need to have clear principles that we follow in our work and our students have to know them and agree to comply with them.

We have to be fair, reliable and consistent in what we do, and treat every student equally. Dealing with people is not an easy job. Still we have to develop a psychological eye and emotional intelligence: what works with student A does not necessarily work with student B.

When a problematic situation emerges the easiest thing to do is to give up, contact a special teacher or the head of the school or to punish the student. None of these things works properly since the cause of bad behaviour remains hidden. I do not believe in punishments but what is there left? … Meeting eye to eye relying on mutual respect!

Bad behaviour is usually just a reflection of some bad things in the life of the student: parents’ drinking problems, home violence and bullying, financial difficulties, unemployment, finding acceptance from other youngsters … So we need to see through the bad behaviour and get to the bottom of the issue.

My best advice to solve these problematic situations is to have a private conversation with the student. The conversation below is a fictional one but see if you can spot my tactics based on Gordon’s principles.

Read this dialogue first and then the one below with my comments.

Me: You know why we are sitting here, don’t you?

St: Yes, but Jimmy hit me first in the corridor and threw my cap on the floor. He’s an idiot and bullies me every day.

Me: So, you find it hard to control your emotions since you can’t bear the way he treats you. Right?

St: Hm, and I don’t want the others to laugh at me. I’m fed up with no-one doing anything about Jimmy. It’s him who should be sitting here, not me.

Me: Thanks for telling me. I will deal with him later but I will not mention your name, ok! But I think there is something else troubling your mind. You often seem very tired and you’re often late for lessons. Is there anything I should know?

St: No, not really. I’m ok. I just have to take it as it comes.

Me: You know that this is between you and me. It’s confidential and I can see there is something going on. I don’t want your talents to be wasted.

St: Well, my dad lost his job four months ago and he started drinking and my mum quarrels with him every day. We kids try to stay out of it but it is getting rough and I’m scared of what may happen.

Me: So, you cannot really focus on school work because of the things going on at home. Is it ok if I ask the social curator to contact your mum to clarify your and the other kids’ point of view.

St: Yeah. I do not dare to talk about it to my parents. They might kick me out of the house.

Me: I’m glad you told me this. I understand your behaviour better now. I don’t think it was right but I know all these things in your mind it may be hard for you to control your reactions.

St: Yes, I know if this goes on I will never get the grades I was hoping for. I will never pass the A-levels and get to uni.

Me: I think so too. So, what do you suggest we should do?

St: If you promise to talk to the curator and try to deal with Jimmy, I will talk to my classmates how to stop Jimmy from bullying. It’s not just me. Once the teachers don’t see, he picks on someone. Anyone will do.

Me: Ok, thanks. I have a clear picture of the situation now. Can we meet again next Friday and see where we stand?

St: Sure. Thanks, I need to go. The math lesson is starting.

And here’s the same dialogue with my comments!

Me: You know why we are sitting here, don’t you? (I am not blaming the student but imply something has gone wrong)

St: Yes, but Jimmy hit me first in the corridor and threw my cap on the floor. He’s an idiot and bullies me every day. (St gives his version of the incident and what caused it.)

Me: So, you find it hard to control your emotions since you can’t bear the way he treats you. Right? (I use ‘active listening’ in Gordens terms: I interpret the feelings of the boy and imply I undestand his views even if I may not approve of his behaviour)

St: Hm, and I don’t want the others to laugh at me. I’m fed up with no-one doing anything about Jimmy. It’s him who should be sitting here, not me. (The boy gives other reasons for his irritation and finds the situation unfair.)

Me: Thanks for telling me. I will deal with him later but I will not mention your name, ok! But I think there is something else troubling your mind. I feel sorry for you since you oftem seem very tired and you’re often late for lessons. Is there anything I should know? (Thanking the boy implies that I am on the boy’s side and will act upon the problem. I send him ‘I-message’ expressing my feelings for him trying to make him open up about the real problem that has not even been talked about.)

St: No, not really. I’m ok. I just have to take it as it comes. (The boy does not trust me yet and denies there is anything else going on. Even if he stopped talking to me at this point, he knows someone = me is willing to help him.)

Me: You know that this is between you and me. It’s confidential and I can see there is something going on. I don’t want your talents to be wasted. (I try to make the boy rely on me and send another I-message implying I am worried and I like him and think he has good qualities.)

St: Well, my dad lost his job four months ago and he started drinking and my mum quarrels with him every day. We kids try to stay out of it but it is getting rough and I’m scared of what may happen. (The boy opens up about the TRUE REASON why he is behaving badly: his life at home is a mess.)

Me: So, you cannot really focus on school work because of the things going on at home. Is it ok if I ask the social curator to contact your mum to clarify your and the other kids’ point of view. (I use ‘active listening’ to check if I got it right suggest an adult solution to the problems at home because I don’t think the boy would come up with this idea.)

St: Yeah. I do not dare to talk about it to my parents. They might kick me out of the house. (The boy realizes I am on his side and tells me why he has kept the issue to himself. If I didn’t know the real reasons for his behaviour, I would treat him differently.)

Me: I’m glad you told me this. I understand your behaviour better now. I don’t think it was right what you did but I know all these things in your mind it may be hard for you to control your reactions. (I show the boy empathy with my I-messages even if I do not approve of his behaviour.)

St: Yes, I know if this goes on I will never get the grades I was hoping for. I will never pass the A-levels and get to uni. (Now the boy seems to trust me even more and tells me about another thing troubling his mind.)

Me: I think so too. So, what do you suggest we should do? (NOTE, I do not give him the solution to the ‘Jimmy’ problem. He has to come up with it himself. In Gordon’s terms: it is a ‘win-win’ situation, both are happy at the end of the discussion.

St: If you promise to talk to the curator and try to deal with Jimmy, I will talk to my classmates how to stop Jimmy from bullying. It’s not just me. Once the teachers don’t see, he picks on someone. Anyone will do. (The boy suggests a solution and gets the matter out of his chest.)

Me: Ok, thanks. I have a clear picture of the situation now. Can we meet again next Friday and see where we stand? (I approve of the solution and will act upon it accordingly. Then I agree on a date when we will check if the solution has worked.)

St: Sure. Thanks, I need to go. The math lesson is starting. (The boy expresses his gratitude and seems to want to study eagerly.)

If we desert a problematic student, there may be no-one else to help him/her. However, when the matter is solved, our reward is to see smile back on the student’s face. Patience is a virtue!

The next article will deal with the Gordon method of solving problematic situations in more detail.

1. Active listening
2. Sending I-messages
3. Win-win solutions