Gordon’s principles are simple but to learn to apply them takes quite a while: ‘Active listening’, ‘I-messages’ and ‘Win-win solutions’

A   IF THERE IS NO PROBLEM WITH A CLASS … Gordon’s model is still helpful I have been using it for over 40 years. It is very simple but it is magical how it works. Still, I learnt it gradually by trial and error.

The class atmosphere and study habits should be under constant scrutiny. Gordon’s model that will be presented in more detail below has its place with the whole class and even in one-to-one situations with the teacher and a student even if things are running smoothly.

When students have a problem, the best way to solve it so that both parties are satisfied is to lead the students to find the solution themselves by discussion and active listening. Gordon’s model is something we do not automatically apply. We have to practise it for a while using trial and error mothod.

So what is the teacher supposed to do and say when a problem emerges?

Gordon’s model to solve conflict or problematic situations is accepted all over the world and even if it is rather simple in theory it requires a lot of practice since we are slaves of our own bad habits.                          

The Gordon method has only three stages:

Stage 1

Active listening: The teacher asks the students to explain what happened or what the problem is but takes no stand on the matter. No comments on who is right or who is to be blamed. He/She simply interprets and rephrases the students’ thoughts and feelings saying them aloud and leads the students to find the solution by themselves.

Stage 2

Sending I-messages: To avoid giving any judgements the teacher just states the situation at hand and expresses the feeling(s) he/she has due to the situation/incident. We usually send YOU-messages in which we judge or criticize other people and it breaks the communication. (See the previous article)

Stage 3

Win-win solution: This is the process that leads to a situation where the problem-owners themselves to find a solution that satisfies everybody’s needs and benefits. The most common question at this point is: “So, how do you suggest we solve this matter?”

Active listening

1. First use Passive listening: The teacher simply listens to the comments of the students with only minor phrases like ‘hm’ / ‘really’ / ‘aah‘ to keep the monologue going. The student thinks: “Finally someone listens to my point of view.” The most difficult thing for us teacher is to be quiet and not ask questions, comfort, advise or warn. We must not offer a ready-made solution to the problem but the student must come up with one him/herself.
2. Secondly, Keep the door open –use phrases such as ‘That’s an interesting point … Really? Wow, unbelievable! I’d like to hear more about it …’ to encourage the speaker to continue, to pour out everything. Do not advise, comment, warn or anything. Remain impartial and otherwise quiet.
3. Thirdly, train yourself to interpret what the student’s real message is. That message is often expressed implicitly, in an indirect way. It is often tricked by fear of something or feeling of humiliation or anger, for example.                          

The teacher’s response must have two parts: rephrasing the content of the message and adding the feeling or emotional state the student is in. (angry, afraid, annoyed, disappointed, humiliated, surprised, puzzled, pleased …) Note also how the teacher uses I-messages instead of you-messages which mostly carry a negative tone and the student is unwilling to co-operate after hearing them. You-messages solve the problem only from the point of view of the teacher, often at the expense of the student’s self-esteem

4. Finally ask the student what he/she thinks would be the best solution to the problem. This is the final step towards the ‘Win-win solution’

Don’t worry! Look at the sample dialogues in the next article and you will grasp the whole technique. Sample A is straight-forward and Sample B a bit more complicated. Practise the technique the next time you have a problem at school and you will never forget it. I have been using it for over 40 years.

Sample A ACTIVE LISTENING

Let’s take an example where THE STUDENT HAS A (HIDDEN) PROBLEM and needs advice.

In this kind of situation where the student has not done anything wrong only active listening is needed and the teacher may even suggest the solution because he/she is the expert.

The situation: Jane has been absent a lot and is worried that she will not be able to get a good grade for the course since there is so much catching-up work to do. On the surface level she is only asking if there will be an exam but …

See how ‘active listening utterances’ work in practice. Marked * ; Win-win solution question Marked ** and the student’s suggested solution ***

Jane: ‘Are we having an exam soon, sir?’

Teacher: ‘Yes, next week. Chapters 8 to 12 and the passive voice.’ Wrong interpretation because Jane probably already knows about the exam. So the reason for asking is something else: Fear of failure! Let’s try again!

Jane: ‘Are we having an exam soon, sir?

Teacher: ‘Ah, you want to know the date because you are afraid it might be a hard one.’ *

Jane: ‘ Yes, because I have been so much absent due to my illness and I want to do well in it.’

Teacher: ‘You are worried about your grade in this course because of the missed classes.’ *

Jane: ‘Yes, I need a good grade in English so I can go on a language course to London.’

Teacher: ‘London, that’s great. So you would be disappointed if you cannot go there. * What did you have in mind about the exam?’ **

Jane: ‘Well, we have been talking about asking you what the question types are going to be and if we have to write many essays.’ ***

Teacher: ‘Good question. I was just planning to send the instructions to the whole class how to prepare for the test. Besides, we will have a practice lesson next week.’

Jane: ‘Great, have a good day, sir.’

Teacher: ‘Same to you. I am sure everyone will do just fine since you have been so active all through the course.’

Sample B I-MESSAGES, ACTIVE LISTENING  and  WIN-WIN SOLUTION

A situation where the TEACHER HAS A PROBLEM:

The situation: Two boys loudly accusing each other of something. They cause disturbing noise. The teacher’s problem: He has to stop teaching an important matter. Consequently, other students’ focus is lost and now time will be wasted.

Teacher: ‘Jim, what is the matter? I get nervous when I have to stop explaining this formula since there is so much noise in the class.’

Jim: ‘Tom banged me on the head with his book, sir.’

Tom: ‘But you threw your eraser right on my head.’

Teacher: ‘So Jim threw his eraser at Tom and you, Tom, got angry because it hurt a lot. And you Tom wanted to have your revenge since you were so furious about the sudden attack. And you Jim feel it is unfair that the bang on your head hurt much more than what you did to Tom. Right?

Boys: ‘Yes, sir.’

Teacher: ‘I don’t want these things happening in my class since I get disappointed when we are wasting valuable lesson time. What do you suggest we should do now?’

Tom: ‘Sorry, sir. I’ll try to control my temper next time.’

Jim: ‘Me too. Sorry, sir.’

Note that the teacher is sending I-messages, doing active listening and interpreting the real messages: both boys are angry since they have been physically hurt but at the same time both boys are guilty anyway.

Active listening: The teacher is rephrasing the situation and expressing the feelings the boys have. No judgement who is right and who is wrong. The boys get a feeling that the teacher is fair, on their side and understands the emotional turmoil they are going through. Then they can move on to the vital question: ‘Now boys, what do you think we should do?’ which leads to a win-win situation/solution.

It is very simple but magical how it works. Not only with students but with people in general. Try it out yourself!