Being a military commander in class does not work. Neither does being the students’ buddy. Where is the balance?

In the previous article we considered the importance of a healthy, respectful teacher-student relationship. Now I will move on to discuss the balance between the teacher being too tolerant or too strict .

What are the consequences of the teacher being too tolerant and understanding?

Every teacher has experiences of situations where being too understanding and tolerant has led to an uncomfortable incident with a student. Some students immediately take advantage of a situation if they see that we do not consistently insist on the students observing class rules.

If the teacher is too tolerant and

pretends to approve of things he/she actually condemns deep inside,

his/her inner self will suffer

since he/she has to give in all the time against his/her own will.

So, being too tolerant may lead to a disaster with students and a stressful feeling and situation for the teacher. But the same thing may happen if we are too strict. How come?

What are the two ways students usually react to an unpleasant order given by a strict or negative teacher?  

1) they silently obey because they have learnt to do so BUT the pressure and negative feelings start building up inside them

OR

2) they disobey or challenge the teacher AND the pressure is building up either in the students’ minds or in the teacher’s mind or both

What is the underlying belief of a strict teacher on how to control students’ behavior?

A strict teacher believes that a change in the student’s behavior can be reached by an order which cannot be questioned. If the student is disobedient, threats and punishments make the situation even worse since they will spoil the atmosphere and joy in learning.  Punishments and harsh discipline will not work in the long run.

The best teachers seem to keep a very low profile with class management and insist on the students doing what they are supposed to do. Saying the student’s name or a glance at them does the trick.

So, how do we find the balance between the two extremes?

Wise teachers …

take control of the classes from the very beginning and have clear class rules, which are carefully explained to them.

are willing to change some class rules and their style of teaching and testing if the students make suggestions constructively with justifications.

make sure the students know the consequences of breaking class rules, treat every student the same way but do not base their class management on warnings and punishments.

realize they have to be the boss in the class giving instructions, ordering and making sure there is order and peaceful atmosphere in the class, they have the right and duty to it, determination is reflected in their personality.

do not try to be buddies with the students but maintain a professional distance to them, this may be a pitfall for young inexperienced teachers.

approve of most things the students do if class rules are not violated.

admit their mistakes, do not pretend in any way and do not try to have a super teacher mask on them.

do not shout at or get in conflict situations with the students or their parents, patience is a virtue in life.

use their emotional intelligence; interpret both verbal and non-verbal communication as well as the students’ feelings.

are very strict and firm when dealing with the whole class but in more friendly terms when talking to individuals while others are working.

keep the students busy with student-centered activities and have a hidden agenda in teaching social skills too as a side-product.

are truly present all the time .

Respect has to be earned. Care and be reliable, fair and consistent and you will be respected.